Craziest FAQ Ever!

When I go out in public to go to the store, get a haircut, get some fast food, or whatever I have to do, I want to be treated like every other man rather than a village idiot in a wheelchair. Like a village idiot. I always get asked the strangest questions that no one else who can walk is asked.

So, in trying to keep from getting mad about those ignorant and most of all infuriating questions, I’m going to approach this with some humor. A “Frequently Asked Questions” page! A much more constructive way to respond than running people over.

Q: You’re sure speedy! How fast does that chair go? 

A: Faster than a tortoise, and much slower than you. How fast can you run?…Oh wait, you don’t ever get asked that question.

Q: Do you race in that thing? Be careful when you do; you might get a ticket! 

 A: Yeah, I might get a ticket; in a retirement home. And I might get community service: diaper changing time! Heck yes!

 Q: I wish I had a wheelchair! How do I get one? 

 A: Oh really? You want a wheelchair?…Stop blowing smoke. That card has been played by so many people, and it may have been you. Pity, like talk, is cheap. I can’t reach a box of Twinkies at the store. And by the time I get there, those pastries would be rotting. Which would most likely be decades before I get to the box.

 Q: How do you have sex in that thing? Can you tilt back? 

 A: Uh…What? One, is that any of your business? No! Two, the only person who will know is who I marry. Three, stop being so perverted. Four, I dare you to ask a person who can walk how they have sex…You won’t get a good response.

Q: Are you always in your wheelchair? How do you sleep, shower, etcetera?  

A: Oh yeah, I’m in my chair all the time. I sleep in it, I shower in it. Heck, I even crap on it! I’m such a slob…That was sarcasm. I shower EVERY day IN the shower, I crap ON the toilet, and I sleep in a BED. That scent you smell sure isn’t me.

What crazy questions have you been asked? Feel free to share below in the reply box.

If we bring awareness to this idiocy, hopefully people will engage in real conversations with people who look and live differently than they do. We don’t live in the Stone Age anymore! 🙂

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Jake Scholl is a Fantasy Writer and blogger residing in Boise, ID. Jake is a big fan of books, comics, heavy metal, movies, and video games. You can buy his novel "Blade of the Broken" wherever ebooks are sold. He is also a member of The Dragon Writers' Collective: http://www.dragonwriterscollective.com/

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One comment on “Craziest FAQ Ever!
  1. Wow, I am really out of it. I usually just smile and try to help with manual doors. I don’t need a chair yet, with RA I probably will at some point. My nasty habit of sarcasm will probably get me into a lot of trouble with these people. 😉

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